Men's Mental Health - Michael Nichols

When I first started to play basketball about 35 years ago, I felt a sense of excitement and purpose. The game was new, I was testing my body, and the opportunities the game gave me in those early days was something I looked forward to enjoying more of

I threw myself into basketball, playing before school, at break time, at lunchtime, afternoon break time and after school, learning as much as I could, allowing my skills and ability to improve (my academics suffered) but little did I know back then, the effects basketball would have on my mental health.

I was shy and introverted as a youngster, often avoiding big groups of people, parties for example because verbal communication was something that didn’t come naturally to me, but on the basketball court, I could express myself through my game, allowing my creativity to come through. Basketball provided me with an opportunity to feel comfortable and confident in myself

Over the years as my game improved, I was invited to basketball camps and try-outs and at aged 17, was selected to represent England U19’s. After a tournament in Holland, where I was voted the second-best player of the tournament, I remember getting onto the bus and my teammates shouting my name and calling me to the back of the bus. It was at this moment, I felt overwhelmed. The attention, albeit positive and inviting, stopped me in my tracks and I swiftly took a seat closer to the front of the bus. My introverted self got the better of me.

Basketball became my sanctuary, my safe place, my therapist, my best friend and much more. It provided me with the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds, different values and different beliefs, yet when we played basketball, the game brought us together.

Basketball is still a part of my life, in fact, I’ve recently been selected to compete for GB in the over 45 category, a journey that’s connected me with new people and let me experience new things, including a dislocated finger for the first time!

Part of who I am has evolved through basketball; my competitive nature, my understanding of how to listen, my ability to solve problems and challenge the norm when the norm isn’t working, and part of me is still introverted and I’ve learned that introverted part of me is a positive trait. Introverts are great at listening and observing and it’s these traits I leverage in my favour. I’m fully aware of my mental health and I do what I can to find a balance that works for me. My balance includes playing basketball, spending time with family, doing more of what I enjoy and less of the things I don’t enjoy. Quite simple when you think about it.

Five important lessons I learned over the years are:

Stop trying to please others if you believe pleasing others will help you make more friends and make people like you. Instead, learn to say ‘no’ and understand people will adapt around you. Live up to your expectations, not those of others
You can control what you think and do but you can’t control what others think and do. This means things will happen out of your control. Avoid spending energy and thinking time engaging with things you can’t control.
Speaking up or writing down your thoughts when things are tough DOES help.
If you’re not happy with the person you are, reframe your thinking and embrace the person you are. I thought being introverted was me failing in some way, only because I listened to others who judged me. I learned to master that negative self-talk and move forward by aligning my values
Sometimes you’re going to make a mistake. Look at a mistake as something that you got wrong in that moment and isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person. Learn from it and adjust.

Bonus Tip – Change is inevitable. We can create change for ourselves or adapt to change, but know you always have a choice.

Proud plug – I lost my best friend to cancer in November 2020 which prompted me to write a book that made it to #1 on the Amazon Best Seller free book list in the niche of self-help. You can find out more about the book by following this link - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shut-Negative-Self-Talk-Symptoms-Yourself/dp/B09BGPDB3C/

When it comes to men’s mental health, us brits are taught subconsciously or through social constructs, not to speak up when things aren’t working for us, to be tight-lipped and ‘just get on with it’. I tried that and it really doesn’t work, and over recent months and years from research and speaking to others, the message for men and mental health is clear – find a way of living that works for you. Put #yourmentalhealthfirst

I do hope this has given you food for thought and offered you something you might not have considered before.

If you would like to contribute your story to the Working your Way hub please get in touch - healthandwellbeingnetwork@growthco.uk